A Letter to You
As I lay here with you on top of my chest, with your breathing falling into a rhythm as you drift off to sleep, I can't help but to think of the past year. I lay here and I vividly remember laying in this exact spot with you inside my belly trying to picture how life would be when you were born. I looked forward to laying in bed at night with my shirt pulled high so that I could watch you move and kick. I would lay my hand over your favorite side willing you to know it was me. I would imagine how it would feel to hold you, to smell you, and to love you in a way I've never had. Those times were beautiful but yet some nights the tears would find me. I would cry for me, in fear that I would not be what you needed. I feared I wasn't ready for how you were about to change my life. I cried at my own selfishness hoping the emotions I felt weren't coursing through your little body.
I lay here now, feeling your tiny breath on my neck, smelling that sweet smell that only you have and I think of those times. I feel that one tear roll down my face thinking of how much fear I held in my heart. I squeeze you thinking there couldn't possibly be a better feeling than this one in this exact moment. You may not know it yet but you are the biggest piece of me and I wouldn't be anything of what I am without you. What I've reflected on the most tonight is that I am proud. I am proud because I did it, I became a mother, I brought you into this world, I nurtured you these past 9 months, and I've surpassed every expectation I had of myself. Despite this, every night I kiss you before I put you down to sleep, thankful because you didn't let me fail.
I love you endlessly.